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As you grow up, you go through many changes. Some for the better and some for the worse. I'll tell you one thing though, I'm not afraid to own up to what I have done.. right or wrong. And I am proud to see the progress I've made within these past years. It's been a tough couple of years for me, for reasons that most of you will never know of. I haven't exactly been the best person either. Everyone goes through their own shit, and sometimes it takes someone longer than the other to pick themselves back up... and by that I mean to actually make an effort and not give up. I used to be so social, always wanting to go out, alwayssss being on the phone... all that shit... but nowadays I can't even find myself wanting to pick up the phone and talk to people like I used to... chillin at home with close homies > partying everyday... that ordeal. I'm happy with what I have. I'm happy with the people who stayed by my side.. just like they told me they would. Anyways.. it's been a long time... and I think "doin me" is the best thing for me to do. Finally in school for something I am deeply passionate about... you have no idea how happy that makes me feel.. and I think it's important for me to focus on that. Yeah, I've been single for a long long time and honestly, having a BF is not a priority at the moment. Of course I miss talking on the phone at night, being all cute n lovey dovey, having someone care about you... but at the state i'm in.. it's not time. I have my reasons and the truth is I just don't want to hurt anyone. If I do stumble upon a guy who I find myself interested in, of course i'll get to know them, but I am in no rush. I'm not going to go out with someone unless I know we're right for each other. No need for me to try and force me to feel something, I'd rather wait as long as it takes until it just comes... I do not have the patience to deal with ANY kind of bull shit right now. Look how long it took me to get my priorities straight. Sad but true. Better late than never. Like I said, I can't rush my feelings about anything... in due time, it will happen. No matter what anybody tells me... YOU don't know ME ... YOU don't feel what I feel, so stfu and let me do this on my own. I'm trying to better myself.. as a whole. I'm making... "rules" for myself.. actually more like promises...This is going to be hard. Probably the hardest thing to do. To live a happy life... Even if it means me trying to force myself to be happy by going against something I said I would never do....

I want to be able to live MY life... not to have people doubt me, but for them to trust my word. Not for people to make decisions for me or put limits to what I can or can not do. I want them to see that I am staying true to myself. As long as I have the people in my life.. that I care about... give me the same respect, then I will be happy.

I'm going to do something that most of you could never imagine doing.. In this case.. the truth is, that sometimes I just want to walk away from all of this and say F-U, but I owe it to myself...... to prove myself wrong. At this point, all I can do is hope that people respect the decisions I have to make in order for this to happen..not only that, but to also understand and cooperate with me... HELP ME, you know? By no means do I want to hurt anyone.. I kept a promise that I will never break.

Life works in mysterious ways.... I just want to live. Live life the way it should be... IT IS WHAT IT IS so don't waste your time trying to change something you can't.. let it happen.. grow from it.. just live.. because you never know what tomorrow brings.